These are my Top 3 Problems; these are my Top 3 Obstacles to becoming a better person, a better Leader and maybe one day a World Famous Motivational Guru; even though I will take being a Motivational Guru who is making a difference one person at a time. I admit it, I have to learn to control my anger, be more patient and become a better listener. The more I reflect and explore these things; the more aware I become that they are connected.
We have all heard it before, count to ten before you get angry. I have heard it before, but I challenge if that is enough. I say it is not. Problems do not go away because you wait a minute or because you tune them out. Problems go away because you deal with them. In dealing with problems, I become impatient; I sometimes overstate my position driving home the facts; and I can get angry when I am misquoted or misrepresented about things I say over and over again vs. one off remarks that may be meant to be funny or ironic. So how do I address these problems without ignoring them or waiting for them to pass over?
1: Tell the truth and ask for the truth in return.
2: Focus on the problem not the person.
3: Seek to understand first.
4: If something does not add up, ask for more information.
5: Clearly state goals and objects up front
6: Be flexible before making final decisions
7: Seek extra input
8: When in conflict seek a neutral party to help both sides understand each other.
9: Let people know when they are crossing lines or making things personal.
10: If you just can not agree, or agree to disagree; use only trusted sources as go betweens.
First and foremost, not every problem can be solved, so not every conflict can be resolved. Let’s face it, in the sad history of the world; war is big business. Is what you are fighting for worth dying for? Many have given their lives for King, Country, Creed, Race and Religion and we still can’t agree. Now with that being said, there are many things we can agree on; so we should try to find an answer, resolve our differences and move forward for the common good.
1: Tell the truth and ask for the truth in return. Many differences can be resolved because someone is spinning the facts or just plain lying. Be the first person to offer up the facts, even if the facts may make you look bad. I think the truth is always the best answer. Offer the facts, offer the truth and ask for the truth in return. This can solve or at least avoid a lot of conflicts, in my opinion.
2: Focus on the problem not the person. People are different. We come from different backgrounds and have different experiences and different opinions. If you focus on the problem and not the person, you may be able to resolve your differences in a quick and easy solution. This only works if people are willing to tell the truth.
3: Seek first to understand. Sometimes people see things different ways. The way you see things will make sense to you, but can you make sense of the other person’s point of view? Can you understand what they are going through and why? Seeking first to understand can help resolve differences before they even arise in some cases. This takes listening skills and patience, but if people can come to an understanding up front; it is well worth it.
4: If something does not add up, ask for more information. Again this takes patience and listening skills, but if things are not adding up in your mind ask for more information. This goes back to items, 1, 2 and 3; but why let a problem fester and grow if a little extra information will clear the air?
5: Clearly state goals and objects up front. If we do not agree where we are heading in the beginning, than sooner or later; some one will object to where we end up. A lot of confusion can be avoided if everyone can clearly state their goals and objects up front. We may agree to disagree and move forward down separate paths. But if two or more people are trying to coexist; it is very important for everyone to know the ground rules.
6: Be flexible before making final decisions. You can’t take the hard-line on everything. Be flexible, life is about give and take. Life should never be one-sided all give no take, or all take no give. Don’t be a dictator, but don’t be a victim either. If we can not find a way to be better off together than what is the point of working together? Be flexible, go back through Items 1 to 5, have patience and be a good listener; it will pay off in the end.
7: Seek extra input. Call this double checking, but ask for extra input again. Make sure everyone understands the ground rules. Make sure everyone agrees with the facts. Is everyone in understanding? If not ask for a neutral third-party to take an objective look. This is not the time for stacking the deck with yes men on one side or the other. This is taking a second look to make sure everyone is still in agreement.
8: When in conflict seek a neutral party to help both sides understand each other. OK, you have been patient, and you have been a great listener and you have gone through Items 1 – 7 and something still is not adding up. Can everyone come to the table with a neutral third-party and work things out? Whomever does not want to be Open, Honest, Focus on the Problem and Not the Person may very well be the problem. I am not attempting to say I can solve all the problems in the world. I am just stating that this is the point where people either work things out, or agree to disagree and hopefully leave each other alone. I don’t want to be the cause of your problems. I also don’t want someone else to be causing me problems for whatever reason. If we can’t work things out, maybe we just need to admit we can not find common goals, common ground and move on.
9: Let people know when they are crossing lines or making things personal. Sometimes people do not realize they are crossing lines. Give them the benefit of the doubt, but also make it plain and clear they have crossed a line. Don’t avoid it, don’t laugh it off; or it will happen again and again and again. Address it. Then go back through Items 1 to 8 if you need to; yes this will take patience. Do I do this all the times? No, I admit this can sometimes be a fault of mine. I am trying to get better. Why do you think I am typing this post?
10: If you just can not agree, or agree to disagree; use only trusted sources as go betweens. Sometimes people just can’t work out their differences. I do not have all the answers. I will say this… if you have to work with someone you always seem to be in conflict with; always make sure trusted, neutral sources are present. Sorry, it is just the way things are sometimes. If you have gone through Items 1-8 and made them habits, it will rarely come to this; but the more important things get, one day you will face this challenge. Not everyone tells the truth, do not put your trust into someone who may have ulterior motives. If people can not be open and honest; maybe you should not trust them. If things just don’t add up, maybe you should listen to that inner voice that is telling you to take a second look.
Is this a long post? Yes. Is this a long process? Yes. This process takes patience. That is why I admit I am working on my patience. This process takes listening skills. That is why admit I am working on my listening skills. See this is all about preventing a fire, instead of having to put out a fire and then doing damage control. When all is said and done, losing control of your temper is a waste of time, resources and could do damage to good working relationships. Why not put out the fire before it starts. Take a moment, and ask yourself; what makes me angry. Then work backwards from there. If there was more understanding, more patience, and open and honest communication; many conflicts can be avoided.
Dart and Dominoes are two games that require you to look at the big picture and to also focus on one thing at a time. Welcome to 60 Seconds of Motivational Mojo. Today’s post, today’s topic is can you focus on one thing at a time while also keeping an eye on the big picture? Darts and Dominoes:
The bottom line on darts is you can only throw them one at a time. Yes, there is a big picture of what game you are playing, how you are scoring and if you need to call you shots or can you use blind luck to score points. All that being said, or typed, blogged and posted; you can only throw one dart at a time and you have to keep your eye on the big picture. So to be successful at chasing your dreams, you have to take one step at a time while keep your eye on the big picture. See I always work my way back to chasing your dreams.
In darts you can get hung up on hitting the “Bull’s Eye” every time. This rarely leads to a winning strategy. You see a lot of games are based on hitting certain numbers in certain orders. While the Bulls Eye is a popular target, the most points are scored in the Triple Twenty Spot. So once again, one dart at a time, all while keeping your on eye on the big picture.
When you are chasing you dreams, you need to have a Big Goal, then you need to break this goal down into smaller goals and set deadlines. You need to hit each deadline, each smaller goal on the path to the Big Goal. The game may change a little along the way, but you have to reach each smaller goal to get to the big goal. Throw one dart at a time and reach one goal at a time all the while keeping your eye on the big picture.
As a kid who did not love putting a bunch of dominoes in a row and then knocking them over, watching them fall one at a time. Again, looking at the big picture but knocking down steps one at a time. Domino is a game of skill, and knocking over a bunch of dominoes is fun but it takes a lot of patience and a steady hand. It takes a long time to set up a bunch of dominoes, and it only takes a little while to knock them over. Kind of like life isn’t it. A lot of planning and effort goes into something that can be lot’s of fun even if only for a short time. So is all that planning and effort worth it? Of course it is… but you can not short-circuit the process. You can not knock the dominoes if you are only half way done. Even if you knock them over by accident, to reach the big picture you will have to start over. Sometimes our plans fail and sometimes we fall short. Sometime we have to start over, but just like dominoes; when you finally get it done it is worth it. Can you be patient and have a steady hand, not knocking over the dominoes before their time; all the while keeping you eye on the big picture?
Again, Big Dream, Big Picture, can you reach your goals one domino at a time? Can you keep a steady hand and not knock down the dominoes before you get everything set up? If you make a mistake, are you willing to start over? Are you willing to take a long time to plan and set up all those dominoes for a very short amount of time having fun? Will it be enough? Can you find satisfaction after all of the effort you put in to setting up all those dominoes? If the answer is “Yes” then get started?
Darts and Dominoes each require that you do two things; keep you eye on the big picture, but also to do things one step at a time. Can you do this? Can you do things one step at a time while keeping you eye on the big picture? This is what it takes to chase your dreams. Keep your eye on the Big Picture, but also break things down to one step at a time.
Welcome to 60 Seconds of Motivational Mojo. I try to find a positive spin on a daily basis. I try to post on an average of 3 times a week. So after almost two years of blogging, I have noticed I have a strange take on thing sometimes. Maybe my humor is not for everyone. I don’t need that much pressure to try to make everyone happy or like me. So today’s topic “The Wannabe, Has Been and Never-Was” may seem strange to some. Try to give it a minute and see if you can get through it.
A Has Been is someone whose fame has peaked. Now a lot of time a Has Been is made fun of by the younger and cooler people who come after them. No it is not fair, but it is part of this cruel dog eat dog world we live in. One thing I can say for the Quote – Unquote “Has Been.” They chased their dream and got to live in some Real or Nightmare version of it. They took their shot. The Morality Lesson that should be learned is that fame is fleeting and you must adjust to life after being “Number One.” Those who adjust are celebrated; those who don’t can lead tragic lives or worse end up in tragic deaths.
A “Wannabe” carries a mixed meaning: 1) One who aspires to a role or position, or 2) One who imitates the behavior, customs, or dress of an admired person or group. Those of you whom have read my posts before know where I am going with this… Chase your dream not someone else’s. It is ok to aspire to a role or position. This is what I am spending my days encouraging. Dream and dream big; so go out there and be a “Wannabe” but back it up. Action speaks louder than words. You have to be you, not try to be someone else.
The “Never-was” is a sad story in itself: one that has attained no rank, success, or eminence. The only thing worse than being a Never-was is the regret of not trying. Day after day I blog that you must get out there and try, if you can’t reach your dream; at least help others reach theirs. Life is full of small victories. Sometimes we get so caught up in making it to the top of the heap we forget about great things that happen along the way. Helping others, learning something new, making new friends and teaching a kid to get up and try again. The only way to be a “Never-was” is to never try.
So you may ask where is the positive spin? You should be able to see it plain as day. Never give up. Never stop trying. It is ok to be called a “Wannabe” as long as you are doing you own thing. Never let someone else define you or stop you from trying. It is ok to be called a “Has Been” as long as you can adjust to the fact that you can’t stay on top forever, but at least you got there, even if it was only for a short time. After you make it to the top, maybe you should try to help others find their way. You may find out, you can hang around longer if you are willing to help others. It is even ok to be called a “Never-was” as long as you made an honest run at it. The only truly sad option is the “Never tried.” Of all the words of mice and men, the saddest are, “It might have been” Kurt Vonnegut
Name someone rich or famous or ultra successful. The one thing they all have in common is they are all just people. We are all mere mortals. No one of us are Gods. None of us are Immortal. Title does not matter, even if you are a King or a Queen or a Prince or a President or a Prime Minister, we are all just people. If our title is Lord or Sir or Doctor or Lawyer, no matter what job or position we hold we are just people. But are we all J.U.S.T. People. J.U.S.T. meaning we seek Justice, Understanding, Status and Talent. In this case everyone is not J.U.S.T.; no sadly some people are Hypocrites. Some people only want the rules to apply to others. We are all just people, but are we all J.U.S.T. people?
J.U.S.T. starts with Justice. Is it Justice for one and all, or are some people above the law? Do some people think the rules do not apply to them? We are all just people, we are all mere mortals. If the rules apply to one, they should apply to all; but sadly Hypocrites feel the rules only apply when the rules are to their advantage. Any other times the rules do not apply in a Hypocrites’ world. Don’t be that person. We all want a fair deal, so that means we should never want someone else to not get a fair chance.
J.U.S.T. includes Understanding. J.U.S.T. people seek Understanding. Hypocrites are much more into pity parties and sob stories, again when it works in their favor. To seek understanding, you have to seek and speak the truth and keep things simple. To seek understanding you would not muddy the waters to make them appear deep. There is a famous quote hidden in there, did you catch it? There is a proverb that states, “In all you’re getting, get understanding.” There is another famous quote that says, “Seek first to understand.” We all know the famous quote, “Walk a Mile in another’s shoes.” If you want to be understood, try to understand others. If you want to be understood, speak the truth and keep it simple.
J.U.S.T. includes Status. It is a fact of life. Our status will go a long way into determining where we end up in life. Royal Titles are handed out at birth, but they are few and far between. For the rest of us, we have to gain our status by building our reputation. Hypocrites build their reputation on lies; that is a house of cards. When the lies are discovered the hypocrite’s reputation will crumble. Build your reputation on the truth. That is a solid foundation that will weather any storm.
J.U.S.T. also includes Talent. Even a hypocrite wants to be surrounded by talent, though they will take credit for other people’s work. A J.U.S.T. person also wants to be surrounded by talent so they can use their talents to their fullest, and also help other use their talents to the fullest. Talent takes Time, Technique and Technology. Given the proper application of your time, you can increase your talent. If you are surrounded with talent you will also improve your technique. Also, in business, having the latest technology can make things faster and easier; but technology can not replace talent. Give credit where credit is due. Don’t be a hypocrite and take credit for other’s work.
Remember, no matter how high you rise, we are all just people. No matter how bright someone else’s star shines, we are all just people. But in all you efforts to make the most of your life, be a J.U.S.T Person and not a Hypocrite. Sooner or later, the hypocrite is exposed and all they have will crumble. Status acquired with Justice, Understanding and Talent, will weather any storm.
I hope today is a sunny day in your life. I hope today finds you well. In this life we will face sunny days and rainy days. That is why today’s topic is Umbrellas, Buckets or Both. Maybe it does not make sense to you now. Maybe I will be able to explain. Give me a minute and let me see if I can type it as well as it has played out in my mind.
A lot of us do not give a second thought to a sunny day. We just go on about our business. We go on about our daily lives. A lot of us are not even fazed when it rains. We do not let it stop what we have to do on any given day. Or sure, it may slow us down a bit. We may grab an overcoat or an umbrella to protect us from the rain. Rarely have I seen anyone grab a bucket when it rains. This is because I live in a place where we buy water in bottles and water is delivered to our houses in pipes. As long as we pay our utility bills that is.
Now there are places where water is not so easy to attain, there are places where when it rains it is important to have a bucket to catch as much water as possible. There are places where if you want water, you have to carry a bucket to the place where there is water and then carry the bucket of water back home. So people have to make a choice between staying dry or having clean water.
You see the more we have, sometimes the more we take for granted. I never have owed an umbrella and I have never had to collect water in a bucket. This is something I may have once taken for granted, but not today. I am lucky enough to have never needed an umbrella or a bucket. Some people would be very lucky to have both.
We are in a time and place where we are starting to pay closer attention to the environment. Why not collect rain water in buckets? Why not carry an umbrella to stay dry. You see lately I realize that the umbrella and bucket are symbols of how far we have come and how far we still have to go. We can not live without clean water. Some of as are more concerned about staying dry than collecting water in a bucket. Others are out their praying for rain to fall and fill the buckets. Others out there would love to dance in the rain. My parents grew up on farms, drank from a well, carried buckets of water and I am sure their we days that they prayed for rain. Today I live in a world where we do not think twice about that empty water bottle we throw away when we are done, and yet somewhere there is some one out there praying for rain to fill their bucket.
You see the rain falls on some and they only wish to stay dry, the rain falls on others and they hope to fill their bucket. If you only seek to stay dry when it rains, you are living a blessed and fortunate life; wither you know it or not. If you seek to fill your bucket when it rains, the rain itself is a blessing. Many cities and fortunes have been built by simply controlling the supply of water. Many lives have been lost because people needed something that falls out of the sky. I am in a place where I can not take that for granted any longer.
Umbrellas, Buckets or Both; where are you at today? Are you in a place where when it rains you only seek to stay dry? If you are I challenge you to not be afraid to dance in the rain. Are you in a place where when it rains you seek to fill your bucket? If you are, I hope and pray your bucket is always full. I think we all need to appreciate the power of the sun and the power of rain.
I could just give up and quit, but I won’t.
I could give up on all of this blogging and trying to pay forward good news, but I won’t.
I could make it easy on myself and tell my self that it does not make a difference to make it easier to give up, but I won’t!
I could just give up, but I won’t.
I could just quit, but I won’t.
I will not quit trying to spread good news!
Want to know a super secret way to be successful? How about a not so secrete way? How about a way that is so obvious it seems too simple to be true? Ok, here it is… if you want to be successful; share. Share your way to success.
Step One! Don’t not jump in and throw your money at anything, keep it in your pocket until you get to the end. Share your way to success, but do not share your wealth just yet. Please read all the way through this, take this one step at a time. Step One. Keep your money in your pocket.
Ok, this is supposed to be share your way to success, and the first thing I tell you to do is keep your money in your pocket. So what do you share? That leads us to Step Two, Share your dreams. It is ok to tell people your dreams, but keep your money in your pocket. Why do I tell you this, because I do not want you to get taken advantage of, I want you to learn who has similar dreams to your dream. Do not fall victim to a scam by declaring your dream and then parting with your money. Just declare and share your dream. Now some people may laugh at you, some people may ignore you and some people may praise you; the real question is who will help you? Who will give you sound advice? Who will practice with you? Who will introduce you to people who can help you? Step One: keep your money in your pocket. Step Two: share your dream and find out who will actually help you get in touch with people who can really help you.
Step Three: Once you know who you can trust with your dreams, Share your ideas. Again, keep your money in your pocket. Know if people will not help you with the very basics, getting you in touch with people who can help you chase your dream, they do not need to know your ideas. Do not be afraid of stating you dreams to everyone, but only tell your ideas to people you can trust. How do you know if you can trust someone? Deep down inside there is a little voice that tells you when things seem right and things seem wrong. This little voice should also tell you when you are trying to force things and when things seem too good to be true. Trust takes time, do not rush into trusting people with your ideas; make sure they are who they say they are before you trust them. If people say they will help you and they follow through, trust them with a little more information; but again keep your money in your pocket!
Now, as you learn more and more about the people who are helping you chase your dream, you will notice they have a similar dream or will fit into your dream based on some kind of common ground. It is OK for people who trust each other and have similar dreams to work together. It is not ok to be taken advantage of by scam artists. So, again keep your money in your pocket and follow up on your plans. Now you will notice there are three kinds of people in the world, givers, takers and give & takers. Life is give and take. Success is give and take. Do not surround your self with givers or takers. Givers can be victims; takers are just that they take. People who understand give & take understand how important it is to work together. Share your ideas with people who will work with you, not just take from you or play the victim. Share your ideas with people who will work with you and once again, keep your money in your pocket.
Step One: Keep your money in your pocket. Step Two: Share your Dreams and find out who you can trust, but keep your money in your pocket. Step Three: Share your ideas with people you can trust, but remember to keep your money in your pocket. Step Four: Share your time and learn to work together without throwing a bunch of money at your idea. Now do you see why I continued to say keep your money in your pocket? Find people who will work together before money is on the line. Listen money changes everything, sometimes for the better and sometimes for the worse. Learn to work together and work out your ideas before the money starts going out or coming in. Work out all the details before people start putting money on the table. Learn who you can trust and learn who you can work with as a team!
Step Five: Agree on how to divide up the money before you put any money in and before you start making any money. Again, money changes everything, so it is better to have a detailed plan on what to do about and with the money before it starts flowing in and out of your pocket. No one wants to invest in a scam. No one likes getting taken advantage of be a scam artist. Take your time. Share your dreams, your ideas and you time with your team and find out who you can trust. Work out the details on how the money is going to work. Make sure there is balance when the money begins to flow. Are you equal partners? Do everything you can to make things fair and equal for everyone. Surround yourself with people who think and act the same.
Step Six: Share the wealth. When you start making money; share it with those people who have helped you along the way. Listen, no one get’s there alone, and no one gets anywhere by taking advantage of people. So set a great example for others to follow. Once you have a strong team around you and you start reaching your goals, share the wealth. Don’t throw you money in too early, but don’t be stingy when things start to work. Be the person who everyone wants to do business with and people will work hard for you.
Share you way to success. Remember you can not and should not throw your money in early. Share your Dreams and find out who will help you and who you can trust. Share your ideas with people who actually help you. Remember keep your money in you pocket and listen to that inner voice. Do not chase wild ideas or things that seem too good to be true. Get the facts. Share your time and learn to work together as a team before you take any money out of your pocket. You will thank me one day. Work out the details of how to split up the money before the money flows in or out. When the money starts to flow, share the wealth with those who have earned it. It is great to set something aside for charity and random acts of kindness, but you are trying to build something. Work out the money details and then share with those who are putting in the time and effort.
What at were without self-reflection. Is there not a famous quote about the unexamined life? Not too long ago I did a list of post that had passed the 100 view threshold. These posts are the Best of the Rest of 60 Seconds of Motivational Mojo. These posts are almost at that 100 View mark, 70% or Higher of maybe just above C-Level:
Maybe all of this Social Media is really making us Anti-Social. Should we turn all this stuff off and start talking to each other again?
A very simple fitness routine I follow when I am on the road.
They say a penny saved is a penny earned. Saving a lot of pennies adds up. Sometimes we forget to do something big, we need to break it done into lots of little things that add up.
Make up you mind that today can be your day also!
I am somewhat amazed this post is sitting just outside of the 100 view mark. Sometimes I wonder, would we rather be lied too in a nice way than hear the truth?
These three traits are hard to quantify, but they go a long way in become a success.
Do you have what it takes to be a leader?
This one is a super simple code that you can crack just by looking.
If you don’t act on your good idea, some one else will.
Know when victory is yours and fight the right battles for all the right reasons!
Than being said, know when you have a team that you can count on!
I keep trying regardless of how many people think I am crazy.
There is Awesomeness in you. Make up your mind to use it for good!
Come on, we are all not born into royal families. So pick yourself up from where you are and keep moving forward!