Everyone loses when you play the blame game.
I didn’t do it. It was someone else’s fault. So and so should have this and so and so should have that. Everyone starts pointing fingers and pointing out what everyone did wrong and pointing out what everyone should have done. Nothing is solved, nothing new is learned and nothing is prevented. Only bad blood gets created. Playing the blame game means everyone loses.
Welcome to Sixty Seconds of Motivational Mojo. I try to find the positive in most situations. I try to find the silver lining in every cloud. I try to find the positive spin as often as possible. So here I am trying again. I am trying to find a way to put a positive spin on a basic human reaction when things go bad. We feel the need to find someone to blame, so people think if they blame someone else it somehow saves them from harm. The blame game does not make you safe from harm; it only delays what is going to happen. You blame someone else and then you will become a target for others to blame you in the future. See when people are known for blaming others when things go wrong, the minute you make a mistake others will line up to blame you. Blaming others makes enemies, helping others makes allies. Which kind of people do you want to be surrounded by when you need help?
You always have two choices faced with any situation; get out in front of it and help, or wait until things go wrong and blame others. You can be Proactive or Reactive. Fire Alarms are Reactive, Fire Prevention is Proactive. Which one is better? Is it better to put out fires or prevent them from happening in the first place? We should be able to agree that it is better to avoid a fire than to put a fire out and then have to clean up all the resulting damage. So blaming others after the fire is out just adds more fuel to the next fire. It does nothing to clean up the damage from the fire and it does nothing to prevent the next fire.
Learn to learn. Learn to teach others. Learn to listen and learn from others. Learn from people who have more experience and most of all, learn by doing. What do you learn by blaming others? What does anyone learn by blaming others? Be proactive. Get out in front of bad situations and do the best you can. Then if you don’t know something or if you mess up, admit it, fix it and move on. The blame game does none of these things.
It’s funny. I am watching a House MD DVD and he just made a great quote. We have three choices, Be Good, Get Good or Give Up. The blame game does not make you good and if you were already good you would not need to blame others. That means to me that the blame game is a sure sign of people who have gave up on being good but still want to take credit for something. What that something is, only God and the person placing the blame know the answer.
If you are reading this, and you know of what there is to gain by playing the blame game, please leave me a comment and let me know. Heck if you agree with me leave me a comment and let me know. You see if I am going to tell you to listen and learn, then I need to be ready to listen and learn from both sides of the fence. Not just the people who agree with me. I am supposed to look at both sides of the story and weigh the good and the bad of either side and then do the best I can with the information I am given. So, I am making a stand that I feel the blame game means that everyone loses.
So, I am just trying to draw a line in the sand and continue to get better at what I do. Thanks for your time. I hope to hear from you.
Don’t worry about how hard it will be to catch your dream!
Wonder and stay focused upon if it is worth it. Chasing your dream won’t be easy. Chasing your dream may mean you have to make some difficult choices. But if your dream is worth it, the effort will be worth it also. Welcome to 60 Seconds of Motivational Mojo. I hope somewhere in all of this my intention gets through, keep chasing your dreams.
So first and foremost; I hope your dream is to do something positive. That is just where I come from with this blog. Positive Motivational is my intention. I hope and pray your dream does no harm to others. So now, secondly; I hope your dream will stretch your imagination and your efforts; dream the big dream. It is OK to be working on small steps as long as the small steps lead to a Big Dream. Dreaming of lying in bed and watching television all day is ok for a day off or a weekend off, but don’t let it turn into a month off or a year off. Stay after that Big Positive Dream! Your Dream must be big enough to be worth it! Now if your dream is big and positive then you should share it with the people you love. At the very least, the people who love you should be supportive of your dream. Even if they cannot give you the money to make your dream come true, or even if they do not know how to help you make your dream come true; the people who love you should respect your dream enough to tell you to keep at it, keep learning and try to comfort you when you are discouraged. If they cannot do that much, do they love you as much as you love them?
Remember, I said you may have to make some tough choices. I am not here to break up any marriages or families. I would not want anyone tampering in my family life. I am saying be able to share your dream with your family, and if they cannot respect your dream, do not let them kill it. Your family and friends may not be able to understand your dream, or maybe they are not in a good enough place to be happy for you. Don’t let them drag you down with them if their dream has died. Keep your dream alive, and take the time and give yourself the space to keep chasing your dream. Again, if your family and friends love you, they will be happy for you. You may have to be happy for them and yourself before they are ready and able to be happy for you. Again, do not let your family or friends kill your dream. Keep your dreams and thoughts positive and big enough to be worth chasing.
Don’t worry about how hard it will be to catch your dream, keep dreaming the dream. Dream big enough to make it worth your while to keep dreaming. Now let’s say your dream is to climb Mount Everest. You may have to break that down into small steps. Find the biggest local hill that you can climb and climb that once or twice. Climb it 10 times and then climb it 10 times a day. You need to set little goals and reach them and then set bigger goals. After you are sure you still want to climb that mountain, maybe you need to find a club that goes on trips to bigger mountains than the ones that are near you. May be you need to work with a team and find out if you can handle the biggest hill or mountain in your state. Maybe you will need to find sponsors, maybe you will need to blog about it or keep a video diary or start and online group, but you have to find a way to keep your dream alive.
It is my dream to host a large scale motivational conference and be able to bring change into communities to help clean parks, feed and shelter the homeless and may even establish some scholarships. I am working with a few people and we have had to adjust our approach a few different times. People have come and gone, but the Big Dream remains. I am chasing the big dream! This blog and my online groups are each steps along the way. I am working on a Motivational Workshop that I want to turn into a series of events. This series of events will then help launch chapters to get people out and volunteering. These chapters will someday link together to host an annual conference that will rotate through the cities that are holding monthly workshops. I wish I could tell you that it has been easy, but it hasn’t. The more important thing is that the dream is worth it.
That is what keeps me going. The dream has to be worth it. Focus on that, focus on what the dream means not only to you, but others who can also benefit if your dream comes true. If your dream is big and positive, than do you see yourself alone or helping others? Don’t worry about how hard the dream will be to catch. Wonder about and focus on the fact that if your dream is big enough, than it will be worth it!
Selective Emotional Intelligence:
Emotional Intelligence, some people say it is the stuff that turns us into leaders. Emotional intelligence (EI) is the ability to monitor one’s own and other people’s emotions, to discriminate between different emotions and label them appropriately, and to use emotional information to guide thinking and behavior. So why did an article in Forbes recently report that EI decreases as Management levels Increase? If Leaders have a higher level of EI, why do some many of us seem to have to work hard to like our superiors?
I believe there is such a thing as Selective Emotional Intelligence. Bear with me. Let me explain. Welcome to 60 Seconds of Motivational Mojo where I try to look at things from a slightly different angle. I have no empirical data to back my opinion in this post. I do not have any Double Blind Studies or Business Journal Case Studies: Walk with me and talk with me for a minute.
I have held a few jobs and I have had the honor and privilege to work for people I really respected. I have also been in situations where my Personality did not mesh with the Personalities of all my superiors. That is fine, I have seen many Leaders’ and Managers disagree. My point is not that they lack Emotional Intelligence, heck for most of my career and most of my life, I can say that I have lacked EI; what I am saying is that people have a knack for turning on and off areas of their personality depending on who is in the room at the time.
I have worked for Managers who were Super Duper Nice when their Superiors were around. They could turn on the charm for the crowd or for their Leadership and then turn it off when dealing with people one on one. Does this sound familiar to any of you? Sometimes it is simple a difference of opinion, other times it is a difference in personality or ideology. My point is not that the Managers or Leaders lacked Emotional Intelligence; it is just what we see of them depending on what they think of us. I think people can be Selective with what they will deal with and what they won’t deal with from others.
Now I also find this a two way-street, some Mangers treat their Superiors with like Gold and their Subordinates like lumps of coal. I have also seen some Worker Bees think it is wrong to get scammed by the people above them, but it ok for the guy next to them to be scamming people. Everyone has their tolerance levels. Each of us need to be aware of what we are dealing with, and at what levels. Are you equal, fair and try to treat everyone with the highest respect? Why does it seem that the people who have the Highest levels of being able to read people are the ones who are the most likely to scam people? Selective Emotional Intelligence is the reason; just because people know how to read other people does not make them a Trust Worthy Leader or a Non-Biased Manager.
Just as much as I am trying to harness the power of and increase the level of my Emotional Intelligence, I also try to apply it the same regardless of if you are above me or below me in the Proverbial Food Chain. At the end of the day we are all the same anyway, but how do you treat people from 9 to 5 vs all the rest of your day? Are you only nice when you stand to gain something? Are you sympathetic to those less fortunate than you and angry with those who have more? I think people turn on and off their Emotional Intelligence. This is how I think people can get ahead at a job even though no one likes them or would not follow them unless their job was on the line. Selective Emotional Intelligence: That’s how!
Would have, Could have and Should have:
How many times have you heard these before? How many times have you said these before? I would have, I could have, I should have; are they just excuses for what we wanted to do or needed to do but were maybe too afraid or too distracted or just too busy? These words are a trap, they maybe make us feel better for a little while, but nothing changes; we did not do the thing we wanted to do or even worse, we did not do the thing we needed to do.
Stop saying I would have, stop saying I could have and stop saying I should have; start saying I will, and then actually make time to try. It is better to say I tried and failed than to not try. It is even better to say I tried and failed and here is what I learned than to once again not try. It is better to say I tried, I failed, here is what I learned and I will try again than to not try.
Stop saying “Would have” “Could have” and “Should have” they are a trap to make you feel better about doing nothing new or different. If you do not try you will not learn. Start saying I will study, learn, try and learn more by doing. Find the time.
You could have, you should have; these words are piercing when they come from others. No one likes being told what they could have or should have done. How about Try this, or Try that? Why not offer positive advice and take away the negative overtures. You cannot do things for others, they have to learn for themselves. But you can be part of their learning experience through mentoring and coaching. Giving people suggestions is tough; you have to find the way they need to hear it to receive it. Could have and should have are too after the fact. Let’s try this and let’s try that are a more easily received and are before the fact. Time hunts us all, but as long as we are alive we have time. We have time to try something new. Study Learn, Try Learn More and Mentor to learn even more.
We could have, we should have stings a little less, but they are not as strong as we can and we will. We can and we will mean that we are in this together. Are you ready to Mentor, Coach and Team with someone for more than just your success? Are you ready to Try and Fail as a Team or are you only a Team when you Win? I am still looking for the magic formula. I have tried and failed at many things, I have tried and succeed at others. I am trying to learn from my failures and teach others my successes; again, I am still looking how to be a good mentor and a good coach and make sure I am lending a helping hand as often as I can.
Would have, Could have and Should have are weak compared to This is how you do it! Telling people to do something is not often received well, showing people how to do something is always better. Showing people, hands on mentoring and coaching is a win – win situation for everyone involved. The person being coached learns something new and the person coaching learns from another perspective. It may take a little more time than the “do it myself” approach, it may take a little more time in the beginning, but when two people can work together; they can get a lot more done than if they are working separately. Teamwork does not happen by accident, it happens because someone took the time to build the team in the first place. You see teamwork gets a bad reputation when people do not see the efforts of the mentors and coaching in a way they can understand.
Here is how you do it, let’s do this together, try this and I will you help you the best I can; these words are so much stronger than would have, could have and should have. We can and we will, I can and I will mean your will try again. It is ok to try and fail, but it is not ok to not try and it is even worse to not learn. Study, learn, try and learn more and then succeed; “Would have” “Could have” and “Should have” do not lead to success. Here let me help you, Let’s try this, We can and We will are the way to find the success you are looking for! I can and I will, you can and you will, we can and we will; Let’s try this together!
Which story do you want me to tell you?
Do you want to know of who I am and where I come from? Do you want to know what I have done or what I would like to do? Would you like to know of the good or the bad of my past or my intention for my future? Which story do you want me to tell you?
I am presently a guy who is searching for truth. I am a guy who believes he can make a difference in this life, in my community. I am a guy who is trying to learn from his past and work for a better future. I do not have all the answers, and I am not sure I want all the answers. I really just want to ask the right questions and learn.
I could tell you of all the things I did wrong and all the mistakes that I have made; or I can tell you that I am sorry for the things I did wrong and I am trying to learn from my mistakes. I cannot change the past, but I can do all I can in the present to change my future. I think each of us can do this; I think that you can change your future, you only have to try.
So I could tell you of all the things I did well when I was young. I could only tell you the good things as if I am a running for public office. I am not, I am politically neutral. I think people need to make up their own minds; I just think people should seek the truth. So I have done good and done bad. I have made mistakes and I have done some things well. I hope that I can learn from each of the things I have done in my past. The things more important than knowing my past is knowing my present and my future. I think that is true of all of us, what is your present and what is your future? What are you trying to do?
What am I trying to do? I am trying to learn by doing, learn by mentoring and learn by being mentored. I believe that first and foremost is the search for truth and purpose. I believe that everything we know and believe is based on faith in something, some system of some kind. What you believe is up to you, just know the truth about what you believe. I believe that God is greater than all of our problems, but I also believe that faith takes action. If we leave life to random chance things will get worse. Things get better because we intend them to get better and also act on our intentions. I believe we are here to teach each other; good, bad or indifferent. Don’t be indifferent, that leads to nothing. Don’t be bad, that only leads to evil. We should teach each other the good and do the best we can to leave the world a better place than we found it.
So how do believe I can achieve these things? To teach good things and make the world a better place? First I believe in searching for the truth. Second I believe that mentoring, coaching, team building and leadership development so be grounded in community service. All of us can help out cleaning parks or volunteering at a soup kitchen or a food bank. All of us can learn by teaching and tutoring even if it is helping kids learn the very basics. What do I want to accomplish? Searching for the truth and mentoring, coaching and team building based on community service. This is the very place to develop people to be the leaders they were meant to become. I want to help un leash the leader in all of us. You can be a leader, but you need to see yourself as a leader first. You need to know that you can make a difference and make your community a better place.
That is my intention and this is what I am trying to accomplish. Which story do you want to hear? Do you want to hear of my past or my future? Do you want to hear of the good or the bad that I have done, or what I have learned from my mistakes? Would you like to know where I have been or where I am going? Why not try to make the world a better place by working together to find the truth and serve the greater good in our community? You can do it if you try. That is what I am trying to do.